


we fight and fall down and mend

by pollitt



Category: Castle
Genre: Episode Related, Episode Tag, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-13
Updated: 2012-05-13
Packaged: 2017-11-05 07:32:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/403912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollitt/pseuds/pollitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s only fitting that the skies open up just about the time that Javier throws his first punch -- the roll of thunder rumbling in the empty weight room as the force of his gloved fist hitting the leather bag makes his muscles shiver.</p><p>(Spoilers for episode 4.23 "Always")</p>
            </blockquote>





	we fight and fall down and mend

**Author's Note:**

> A coda for episode 4.23 "Always," because it needed to be written. If Castle gets to have a big speech, Ryan deserves to have one, too. Spoilers for that episode.
> 
> Thank you to Duffy for demanding this be written, to Ainsley and Data for the early reads, and to dogeared for the beta.

It’s only fitting that the skies open up just about the time that Javier throws his first punch -- the roll of thunder rumbling in the empty weight room as the force of his gloved fist hitting the leather bag makes his muscles shiver. The sound of the hard rain smacking against the windows follows almost immediately. “It’s a blessing,” his mother would say, the noise of the rain and the storm drowning out the thoughts that are fighting in his head.

He gives them all their chance, letting them unfurl along taut muscles as his fists meet the bag again and again.

Beckett. Resigned. Almost killed. The _lies_. Waiting to find the truth. And Montgomery. Roy. Captain. Their captain, who lied. Who bled out to save Beckett and who tried to keep them all safe. The look on Gates’s face when she’d heard. When she’d found out. When Ryan...

Ryan, who can’t lie to save his soul. Who can’t lie when the people he loves are at risk. Who came charging in with back-up like a fucking white knight today and who literally pulled Beckett back from over the edge. 

The betrayal Javier feels hurts deeper than any of the hits Maddox got in today. How could Kevin do that? How could he go to Gates, lay open those secrets of the team and leave them broken?

By the time he’s done, his body feels like it’s made of putty, and he knows if he hadn’t been wearing gloves, there’d be bloody knuckle prints on the leather.

It’s still raining when he drives home. There are no calls on his cell, no messages on his machine in the empty apartment. He decides that the rain was enough of a shower and he leaves his jeans and t-shirt in a wet pile on the bathroom floor before falling face-first into bed.

ooooo

Every inch of him hurts when he opens his eyes next and sees too-bright light coming in from the half-drawn blinds. It takes him a minute to register and remember what happened, and when it does, his body hurts inside as much as it does out. 

It’s another handful of seconds before he realizes someone’s knocking on his door. 

He finds a pair of gray sweats and a faded NYPD t-shirt to pull on before making it to the door. 

“I don’t care if you think I did the wrong thing, or how mad you are right now, but you are going to let me in and you are going to listen, Javier Esposito,” Kevin says, slapping his hand against one side of the door to keep Javier from closing it. Most days Javier could out muscle him--it’d take a bit, but he could--but after yesterday, he literally doesn’t have the strength.

“Fine,” Javier agrees, stepping aside to let Kevin in. 

Kevin walks into the living room, his hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets and his brow furrowed deep. He looks like he hasn’t slept. He gives Javier the once-over and says, “You look terrible.”

Javier is suddenly very aware of himself--his bruises, and he has to stink, and he’s not 100% sure his shirt is on right-side out. 

“Is that what you came here to say?” It’s petty, but Javier has a sick twist of satisfaction when Kevin blinks at that.

“You can be mad at me for telling Gates. For the fact that she suspended you. But I would do it again tomorrow to keep you alive, because alive and pissed off I can deal with. But dead...” Kevin’s jaw clenches and he shakes his head like he's trying to shake that thought right out of it.. “I did what I had to do, and you and Beckett are alive because of it. And that's all that matters.”

“You broke that circle of trust, bro.” Javier rubs at his neck and feels the scratch of the t-shirt tag on his hand, and yep, his shirt is inside out. 

“You think that was easy for me? Do you think I did that lightly?" Kevin almost yells. He stops, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. When his eyes open and he starts again, his voice is quiet and almost unnervingly calm. "I tried Castle. I thought about every way that wouldn’t have meant telling Gates, but there wasn’t. Any. Option. Maddox almost killed Beckett -- twice! He killed that kid. He laid you out and took your gun. These people have so much blood on their hands that they can never get the red out. I could never live with myself if something had happened to you or Beckett. I had to, Javi.” 

Kevin's voice breaks at the end, his plea for forgiveness clear as the blue of his eyes. He hates that Kevin is so damn... _Kevin_ , sometimes. Especially when Javier is mad at him. They just don’t make them that good anymore. 

“I know,” he confesses, almost under his breath. 

And he does know, he’s known it since before the cavalry arrived, before Maddox was a living, breathing, ass-kicking opponent and he was just a blurry face on the screen. It still hurts. 

“This is all so fucked up, Kev,” he says, all the fight leaving him. He is so tired and so sore and he has no idea what’s going to happen next. 

“I know,” Kevin says, echoing his words. He pulls his hands from his pockets and takes a step toward him. 

“Beckett resigned. Castle’s gone. Our team...”

“We’ll find a way.” Kevin’s closer now, and his hand brushes lightly over the back of Javier’s forearm. 

“I stink.”

“I don’t care.” 

Kevin’s kiss tastes like bad coffee and adrenaline comedown and no sleep. It’s been a long time since it’s been that desperate, since they’ve been out of sync. 

“And next time,” Kevin says, holding his face, careful to avoid the bruises. “You will not go rushing in without me at your back.”

“Who would call in for back-up, then, and be our hero?”

“Maybe Castle has an app for that. But regardless, you aren’t going anywhere without me. Understand?”

Javier nods, Kevin's hands still warm and strong against his face, and two pieces of the broken whole fit back together.


End file.
